I've been pretty busy working on NaNoWriMo this year! I had a great story idea and then got writers block on the exact same story! Then I changed my idea to the one I'm doing now!
This year is different! I'll be showing you the end results of my writing process- completely unedited!
Welcome to 30 days of short stories with Jamie and Ralph!
1 - A small request.
Disclaimer: Like many of the things I write I don't entirely mean anything here - if I did write someone a letter it would probably not turn out like this.
Hi there, recipient of this (or these) hastily scrawled on napkin(s)!
You don't know me and I don't know you - but I've come here today with a proposition! Now this isn't one of those scams where I hand you a pamphlet or a shiny rock and you give me money, nor am I collecting for a charity with strong ties to a church- or anyone for that matter. This is a purely personal request that will benefit both you and I in equal amounts (maybe even you more than myself!) and no one will leave the room upset.
Have sex with me.
No, I'm not begging and no, I'm not some sort of creep (unless you're into that, I'll explain further down if you want to keep reading). I'm simply putting all my cards on the table, face-up. If you're up for this look up at me and smile, but keep reading - part of the fun of sex is the foreplay and I'm pretty confident in the notion that I can get you off on a crazy mixture of metaphors and references to terrible action movies from the 80's.
If you aren't up for the idea for whatever reason that's cool! I understand you've got a boyfriend/girlfriend, aren't really up for sex with someone that just said hello and subsequently went quiet while writing for about half an hour, or just aren't plain interested in having sex with me for purely physical reasons alone (shame on you though, don't judge an attractive book by its cover). Simply hand this page back to me and I'll leave you alone, no questions asked. I will say thank you and tell you to enjoy the rest of your night.
Again, those who have answered no to the question please hand the page back now.
For those adventurous enough to continue - Hello, my name is Jon. I find you attractive enough, both mentally and physically on first impression, to write an entire fucking letter about the fact. This is the part in the letter where you should giggle and look up at me and tell me your name, even if you've already told me it- it helps me to gauge where you are in the letter if I put these visual cues in. Without them I'd have no idea if you were still up there on the first paragraph or not. I'll be happy that you're up to this bit and smile like an idiot. As you can probably tell from reading this - I am not an idiot, I merely look like one sometimes.
Hopefully you find this endearing.
You've decided against all regular social convention that this is a good idea and these words are here to congratulate you! Breaking free from the mold is hard work and you've made the first step! Unless you've done this before - but that's cool too! You're exactly the type of person I like already, and I'm sure we'll have loads of fun! If you are just starting out on your own road to "fucking attractive dudes that write shit", I'll be here to help you along the way and make sure you're comfortable with every step (you will be extremely comfortable).
Please smirk now, thank you.
Once you finish reading this note, (You will argue points of the letter with me to no avail - do not try) fold it up and put it either into your bag (having keepsakes of things is fun!). If you don't have a bag I would have noticed this by now and prepared one for your use. From that point on I won't use the written word to talk to you, instead opting for a more verbal approach. Once this letter has been put down we'll spend the rest of the night talking, finding out more about each other, laughing while our hands constantly intertwine. Soon after this I will kiss you - if this doesn't happen in a suitable time for you feel free to kiss me first. I will not object to this and in fact state that it's a very nice change (If you're keeping track that's two regular social conventions you've broken through - go you!)
The touching will start to get heavier now, whether by your instigation or my own until finally we won't be able to take it any more. We'll relocate to the nearest bed (This will most likely be my own), attacking each other with soft lips and softer fingers over various parts of each others bodies on the way there.
Then some sex will happen.
It will happen for a long time and I'm not going to lie - you may need help walking afterwards. Please stifle a laugh after this sentence.
After this you will lie on my chest and I will run my fingers through your hair, bending my head to kiss yours. We will fall asleep.
When you awake I will not be in the bed with you, do not panic at this - I have simply gotten up to search for food to make for you. Kind of like a "thank you for reading this far into the letter" gift, except I get to eat it as well. Please specify now to me in person whether or not you are vegan/vegetarian/omnivorous. We will eat this breakfast and drink some orange juice (non-negotiable). After enjoying breakfast I will make some coffee and sit outside to smoke - you may join me in this if you are so inclined, otherwise- real world responsibilities notwithstanding - You can stay in the bed as long as you want.
I will have enjoyed this encounter up until now, but moments later, I will continue to enjoy it. I will invite you back for more fun whenever you want. If you are interested in this you will say sure and we will organise another time for more of the same.
Please turn your entire body to the left.
We will continue this for a while, start getting more serious until people start inviting "You and I" instead of "You" and "I", there will be talks of a beautiful life together. Soon enough however you will start to get bored with the way things are going. We will run out of things to talk about, the sex will not be as good anymore and you will meet someone else who does not need to write a letter to capture your interest. This person will continue to take up your thoughts until you realise that the spark between you and I has all but disappeared and you will try to find a way out of the relationship without hurting me too much. We will start to fight with each other over the most trivial of things, like a cup being left on a table, one day, the arguments will get to be too much and you will leave. I will sit in the shadows of my own foreshadowing, alone.
Please leave.
This year is different! I'll be showing you the end results of my writing process- completely unedited!
Welcome to 30 days of short stories with Jamie and Ralph!
1 - A small request.
Disclaimer: Like many of the things I write I don't entirely mean anything here - if I did write someone a letter it would probably not turn out like this.
Hi there, recipient of this (or these) hastily scrawled on napkin(s)!
You don't know me and I don't know you - but I've come here today with a proposition! Now this isn't one of those scams where I hand you a pamphlet or a shiny rock and you give me money, nor am I collecting for a charity with strong ties to a church- or anyone for that matter. This is a purely personal request that will benefit both you and I in equal amounts (maybe even you more than myself!) and no one will leave the room upset.
Have sex with me.
No, I'm not begging and no, I'm not some sort of creep (unless you're into that, I'll explain further down if you want to keep reading). I'm simply putting all my cards on the table, face-up. If you're up for this look up at me and smile, but keep reading - part of the fun of sex is the foreplay and I'm pretty confident in the notion that I can get you off on a crazy mixture of metaphors and references to terrible action movies from the 80's.
If you aren't up for the idea for whatever reason that's cool! I understand you've got a boyfriend/girlfriend, aren't really up for sex with someone that just said hello and subsequently went quiet while writing for about half an hour, or just aren't plain interested in having sex with me for purely physical reasons alone (shame on you though, don't judge an attractive book by its cover). Simply hand this page back to me and I'll leave you alone, no questions asked. I will say thank you and tell you to enjoy the rest of your night.
Again, those who have answered no to the question please hand the page back now.
For those adventurous enough to continue - Hello, my name is Jon. I find you attractive enough, both mentally and physically on first impression, to write an entire fucking letter about the fact. This is the part in the letter where you should giggle and look up at me and tell me your name, even if you've already told me it- it helps me to gauge where you are in the letter if I put these visual cues in. Without them I'd have no idea if you were still up there on the first paragraph or not. I'll be happy that you're up to this bit and smile like an idiot. As you can probably tell from reading this - I am not an idiot, I merely look like one sometimes.
Hopefully you find this endearing.
You've decided against all regular social convention that this is a good idea and these words are here to congratulate you! Breaking free from the mold is hard work and you've made the first step! Unless you've done this before - but that's cool too! You're exactly the type of person I like already, and I'm sure we'll have loads of fun! If you are just starting out on your own road to "fucking attractive dudes that write shit", I'll be here to help you along the way and make sure you're comfortable with every step (you will be extremely comfortable).
Please smirk now, thank you.
Once you finish reading this note, (You will argue points of the letter with me to no avail - do not try) fold it up and put it either into your bag (having keepsakes of things is fun!). If you don't have a bag I would have noticed this by now and prepared one for your use. From that point on I won't use the written word to talk to you, instead opting for a more verbal approach. Once this letter has been put down we'll spend the rest of the night talking, finding out more about each other, laughing while our hands constantly intertwine. Soon after this I will kiss you - if this doesn't happen in a suitable time for you feel free to kiss me first. I will not object to this and in fact state that it's a very nice change (If you're keeping track that's two regular social conventions you've broken through - go you!)
The touching will start to get heavier now, whether by your instigation or my own until finally we won't be able to take it any more. We'll relocate to the nearest bed (This will most likely be my own), attacking each other with soft lips and softer fingers over various parts of each others bodies on the way there.
Then some sex will happen.
It will happen for a long time and I'm not going to lie - you may need help walking afterwards. Please stifle a laugh after this sentence.
After this you will lie on my chest and I will run my fingers through your hair, bending my head to kiss yours. We will fall asleep.
When you awake I will not be in the bed with you, do not panic at this - I have simply gotten up to search for food to make for you. Kind of like a "thank you for reading this far into the letter" gift, except I get to eat it as well. Please specify now to me in person whether or not you are vegan/vegetarian/omnivorous. We will eat this breakfast and drink some orange juice (non-negotiable). After enjoying breakfast I will make some coffee and sit outside to smoke - you may join me in this if you are so inclined, otherwise- real world responsibilities notwithstanding - You can stay in the bed as long as you want.
I will have enjoyed this encounter up until now, but moments later, I will continue to enjoy it. I will invite you back for more fun whenever you want. If you are interested in this you will say sure and we will organise another time for more of the same.
Please turn your entire body to the left.
We will continue this for a while, start getting more serious until people start inviting "You and I" instead of "You" and "I", there will be talks of a beautiful life together. Soon enough however you will start to get bored with the way things are going. We will run out of things to talk about, the sex will not be as good anymore and you will meet someone else who does not need to write a letter to capture your interest. This person will continue to take up your thoughts until you realise that the spark between you and I has all but disappeared and you will try to find a way out of the relationship without hurting me too much. We will start to fight with each other over the most trivial of things, like a cup being left on a table, one day, the arguments will get to be too much and you will leave. I will sit in the shadows of my own foreshadowing, alone.
Please leave.
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