Bitches, amiright?

I originally started writing this two weeks ago, since then there's been more stuff happening. Instead of writing up a new post I'm just going to edit it a little. You'll notice the edits.

The majority of this post will be after the jump, because I'll be updating you on what I last posted about first, and what I last spoke of after that!

This time I won't try to dwell on it as much, because I'm going to start serialising a story that technically doesn't have an end yet. My end goal is to get that out mostly unedited online by the end of the year, alternating posts between writing and general life-stuff. NEVERMIND, I AM SILLY. SOMEONE REMIND ME TO BRING THE BOOKS I WRITE IN WHEN I DO BLAGS.



Warning - there is rambling ahead.
Following up on the events of the last post, in which I died again - my dog also died. She was old and riddled with too many things killing her. Keeping her alive would have been awful, she'd barely be able to move and we'd have to give her needles every day. I've only told one person in person of this SEVERAL PEOPLE NOW KNOW, WITHOUT ME HAVING TO TELL THEM. There's never really a good time to tell someone that your dog has died, especially if they're going through their own shit and you've signed up to help them out.


So on Monday TWO WEEKS AGO I went to the hospital again, I was feeling kind of sick and they wanted me back in to check if there was any lasting brain damage from being dead. They sedated me at around 6 and I got to sleep for twenty whole hours! This really seems like a big amount of sleep but considering the fact that I hadn't slept since the Tuesday before it sort of balances itself out. I checked out how my whole situation was going and it was still the same, I was still going to do the dying thing. NO WAIT, STILL A THING.

Moving on to Wednesday, I went and hung out with some friends and told them about it (One already knew about this time, the other two knew about the time before that). They had mixed reactions to it, mostly worry thinly veiled with jokes about how I'm practically Highlander. The one that already knew about it (they read my words on here - HI YOU!) asked a pretty good question, that deserves its own entire paragraph.

"You seem to sleep better cuddled around girls, why not just put up an ad for a snugglebuddy?"

I gave them an answer straight out, but in my head I put some thought into this for the rest of the night and realised that I'd only really be comfortable with girls I know and that I'm actually comfortable with. This pretty much extends to all types of a relationship - I go in for the long haul no matter the physicality of the actual encounter. I'm the opposite of what society and evolution was meant to condition me to be.

You see traditionally guys are meant to go out and spread their seed everywhere, to further the human race. We're built to get girls pregnant - it's how we've managed to stay alive all of these years and become the top of the food chain, sheer numbers. When guys fuck a girl and then leave they get a round of applause because there's a deep-seeded mindset that they're keeping the population count up.

I'm the opposite of this, probably because I'm one of the smaller, weaker, more-likely-to-be-killed-by-wild-animals members of the herd. I'll stick around and make a girl breakfast the morning after, and then continue having sex with just that one girl, then possibly lunch. JUST TO CLARIFY, MAKING LUNCH - NOT HAVING SEX WITH IT. I like getting to know them first, talking to them and having common interests. I've talked to girls that I've liked on the phone until they've fallen asleep, just because they wanted someone to talk to, and if a girl can carry an interesting conversation with me online for an entire night (you know the ones, where you're staring at the screen and you've pulled your legs up to your chest and you aren't even tired because you're too busy waiting for the next sentence to appear) I'm pretty much smitten.

Keeping this gotta-know-them-a-whole-bunch thing in mind I couldn't get the sleeping with a girl thing happening because they'd need to be someone I know. This narrows down my options to friends that are girls and ex-girlfriends, or finding someone new.

I'm pretty sure I should not do the ex-girlfriend thing because hey, there's a reason there's an ex in front of the word, and it would be weird if I asked my friends to snuggle up with me without the promise of sex (weirder still if I paid them(Is cuddlestitute a profession?))

This leaves me one last option, find someone new.

I'm not entirely sure if this is actually a feasible option, considering my regular amount of time to properly know a person is a few years, and I've got pretty much only one year left before ol' inevitability tries to flick my off switch and tape the fucker down.

Even if I do decide to try and get a girlfriend, what if it doesn't help and I still kick the bucket at the end of the year? I don't think I'd want to make any one person that sad - can you imagine having a boyfriend who just up and died on you one day? If I was my girlfriend I'd be all like "man, what a dick!" I wouldn't even be able to hate-fuck someone else for a whole year at least I'd be so mad at him.

So this is my predicament. To get sleep I have to hug girls, to hug girls I have to know girls, and to know girls I have to form a relationship with them. The imminent looming of death is stopping me from even trying because as part of the whole "making breakfast the morning after" thing I'd also never burden someone with my death like that.

Oh well, I can always try other options. Like a ten day meditation course where I realise I am completely alone in the world and come to terms with that nifty little tidbit of information.

Until next time. I'M NOT ACTUALLY SURE WHEN NEXT TIME WILL BE, HOPEFULLY SOMETIME BEFORE I DIE.

Adios!